Spotting The Difference Between Love And Lust
Falling in love is an ideal goal for many people. Feeling wanted, respected, adored; We want all the warm and cherished emotions associated with love. People obsess over the concept of love so much that we’ve spent thousands of years developing new ways to tell people we care: From writing, to singing, giving gifts, and even going to war.
Wanting to find love is a normal, healthy desire, but it can also be perilous. Too many rush headlong into new romances, only to find the flame dims only months later. Everyone probably knows a “serial romantic”. Somebody who seems to fall dizzyingly into love instantly, changes relationship status on social media every week, and never seems satisfied. Maybe you are that person. (Though it’s hard to admit.) This is why it’s crucial to understand the differences between love and lust.
What’s The Difference?
Lust is hot and passionate. It’s what makes someone sexually attractive to us. Lust makes us focus on a person’s body. It tells our brain “Less talk, more action!”. When you are lusting after someone, you don’t want to feel slowed down by talking about real feelings or day-to-day activities. You may not feel like spending time with the person once sex is over. You may not even feel like you have any relationship with them outside of sex.
Conversely, being in love is all about time and communication. When you’re in love you enjoy almost everything about the other person such as their personality, their interests, even just hearing them speak. That’s not to say you won’t have things you dislike, but you feel so strongly you’re willing to compromise and work together to strengthen your bond. Sex is still a part of a loving relationship, but so is spending time together in an nonsexual way. Listening to each others feelings and building deep, strong connections is what love is all about.
How To Tell If You Are In Love
This can be a tricky distinction to make. A lot of the feelings of lust can feel like love, just as feelings of love can feel a lot like lust. Here are some important questions to ask yourself. (Remember to take your time and be as truthful with yourself as possible. Doing otherwise not only hurts yourself, but potentially your partner as well.)
1 Do I feel a deep connection with my partner outside of sexual attraction? (This can be spiritually, mentally, and emotionally.)
2 Do I feel free to be myself when I am around my partner? (Putting on an act to make yourself more appealing is self-destructive and will likely end disastrously.)
3 Would I stay with my partner even if they lost their job, material possessions, or got a serious illness? (These are major life changes that require the support of someone who is in it for the long haul.)
4 Do I include my partner in my major life decisions? Do I value their advice? (Things that greatly affect you will also affect your relationship.)
5 Do we work together as a team to solve our problems? (No relationship is without its occasional disagreements, but solving things together with patience and empathy instead of screaming and fighting is what keeps a relationship together.)